Finding my way back to my true light
I 𝐬𝐚𝐭 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐝, “𝐈 𝐝𝐨𝐧’𝐭 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞.”
Not broken. Not dramatic. Just… lost in the noise of life.
This wasn’t a breakdown. It wasn’t even a cry for help. It was a quiet realization—almost too quiet to notice.
These were the words I’ve whispered to myself and the realization hit me hard. And I want you to know: if those words have crossed your mind, you are not alone. Not even a little.
I was doing everything right. Sortta! I was an internal mess but didn’t know it. I was showing up. I thought I was holding it all together. I was wearing every hat; the wife, the momma, the geologist, the energy healer, the home owner, the neighbor, the friend. Always smiling through the overwhelm, answering messages, paying bills, being “fine.”
Always fine. I was always “fine”!
But there was a moment where when I sat still long enough to notice something terrifyingly unfamiliar inside had creeped in.
I didn’t feel like me. I remember lying next to my husband in the dark saying those same words to him. “I don’t feel like me anymore!”
Not the me, I used to be. Not the me, I was hoping to become.
It’s disorienting to realize I’ve detoured my path long ago and struggled to find my way back again. “How did I get here? When did I get here?”, I asked myself. It was like being awake inside someone else’s life and it was uncomfortable.
I think the worse part for me, I placed upon myself, was the shame of showing up as an “energy healer” and not knowing how I ended up here at the same time… total IMPOSTER syndrome!! How could I show up for others, if I can’t show up for myself.
𝐓𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈’𝐯𝐞 𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐦𝐲 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐬𝐥𝐨𝐰 𝐮𝐧𝐫𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧; 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨𝐮𝐜𝐡 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐝𝐨𝐞𝐬𝐧’𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐚𝐢𝐥𝐞𝐝. 𝐈𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮’𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐢𝐧 𝐝𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐦𝐞𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐨, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐭’𝐬 𝐭𝐢𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐰 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐬 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐡𝐨𝐦𝐞.
This realization doesn’t mean I’ve broken. It means I was becoming; becoming a stronger version of who I was.
If you felt this as well then take this away.
Your true light? It’s still in there. She’s been whispering all along, under the noise, under the expectations, under the hustle and the holding-it-all-together.
She’s not gone. She’s waiting. She’s waiting for you to reconnect.
You may not even know what you’re craving right now—just that something feels off. And maybe you’re too tired to fix it. Too tired to even name it.
But what if you didn’t have to fix anything? What if all that was needed was a pause? A breath. A single sacred moment to ask yourself:
“What do I actually need right now?”
That question cracked something open for me. “What do I actually need right now?”
And the answer was never dramatic or big. It was soft. Gentle.
Rest. Nature. A quiet walk. A bath. Music. A journal. A good cry. Silence. Acceptance.
Acceptance helped me to start peeling off the layers I was buried under.
When we slow down, we can finally hear ourselves again.
You don’t have to wait for a crisis. You don’t have to earn rest. You don’t have to be perfect to pause. Give yourself grace to be imperfect just as you are.
The real you—the light, the softness, the fire, the wisdom—it’s all still there. Beneath the layers of roles and responsibilities and noise, she’s still intact.
You are not too far gone. You haven’t missed your chance. There is still time to return to your own light.
Not someday. Now.
But How? I can here you ask.
Here’s what helped me—and maybe it’ll help you too:
Start with stillness. Even 2 minutes of silence each day can soften the edges.
Ask yourself one honest question a day. Start with “What do I need?”
Reconnect with what used to light you up. Art, journaling, nature, music—whatever made you feel like you.
Say no. Say no often. Say no without guilt.
Let someone in. Even if it’s just to say, “I’m a little lost right now.”
We all lose ourselves in life sometimes. But the path back isn’t paved with doing more—it’s paved with being present. Being aware. As my company tag says, “Healing starts with Awareness”.
You are not behind. You are not broken. You are waking up.
And your true light? It never went out. It’s still flickering, just waiting for you to notice it again.
It’s time to come home to yourself.
This post for all of us who’ve carried too much for too long, until we forgot who we were underneath the weight.
Let this be your reminder: your light is still within reach. Your soul essence is not lost. Your return to self is your sacred journey—and you’re already on the way.
If you're feeling the pull to reconnect more deeply, check out my heart-aligned events and classes and services - created to guide you gently back to your truest self.
